Massaged Kale Salad

 This recipe is a great way to eat raw kale, without it tasting like you're eating raw kale.

You just massage it.

Yes, you massage the kale.

It's not as kinky as it sounds.

When you massage the kale it breaks down the fibers and a magical transformation occurs. The bitter kale becomes slightly sweet and dare I say, tasty.

The first thing you need to do is strip the kale leaves from the stems. 

 Look at those naked kale stems.

Somebody bring them a towel!

Then (after rinsing and drying the kale) place it into a bowl, add as much balsamic vinegar and olive oil as you like and begin massaging the kale. Really, you're just squishing it with your fingers.

 Keep massaging the kale until it has wilted to half its size and becomes shiny, a few minutes should do it.

Here is a before and after of the effects of massaging the kale:



 At this point taste the kale and see if the dressing is to your liking. 

Adjust if needed.

Now add a diced shallot and as much feta cheese as you like.

Toss and store either at room temp or in the fridge.

Letting it sit for a few hours tenderizes the kale even more and allows the flavors to come through.

Right before serving, add some walnuts (or any other nut you have) and toss. Don't add the nuts in advance because they will lose their crunch and become soggy.

Nobody wants soggy nuts.

*insert suggestive innuendo here*

I made this salad for a dinner party I had with some of my friends that I met when I was in law school for five minutes.

It was a big hit!

 Look how happy Lara is!

She must have just had a bite of the salad!

Her smile has nothing to do with Raiden attempting to maul Nava.

Nothing to do with it at all.

Remember Nava? I told you about her lovely lemon tree that gave me the juice for my Sage & Citrus Sunset Cocktail.

Nava's also the one who gave me the sage for the cocktail above.

Except she said it was thyme.

Or no, she said it was sold to her labeled as thyme.

Very important distinction there.

Anyway, I hope this recipe inspires you to try massaging your kale and eating it raw.

Eat your greens!

 For more healthy (and unhealthy) recipes, subscribe to my blog.

Or just subscribe to my blog for a good time.

P.S. I don't know what I mean by that.




1 bunch of kale
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
drizzle of extra virgin olive oil
about a tbsp of diced shallots (more or less, depending on how you feel about raw shallots)
handful of walnuts (same idea as the shallots)
crumbled feta or goat cheese, to taste


Remove the kale leaves from their stems and roughly chop them.

Add the kale to a bowl and drizzle the balsamic vinegar and olive oil on top.

Massage the dressing into the kale leaves until they have wilted and become slightly sweet, about a few minutes.

Then add the cheese, and diced shallots.

At this point you want to taste the salad and adjust to your liking. (Maybe it needs more balsamic, or cheese or shallots.)

Before serving add the nuts and toss, so they don't become soggy.