This recipe is a great way to eat raw kale, without it tasting like you’re eating raw kale.
You just massage it.
Yes, you massage the kale.
It’s not as kinky as it sounds.
When you massage the kale it breaks down the fibers and a magical transformation occurs. The bitter kale becomes slightly sweet and dare I say, tasty.
I hate avocado.
This recipe fixes that for me.
It’s my usual hummus recipe, except I used limes instead of lemons and I added one avocado into the mix.
I got avocados in my CSA this week so I decided to hide use them in some hummus.
Which reminds me, I need to update my exclusions list.
Rinse off 2 cans-worth of garbanzo beans, or chickpeas or little butts. Whatever you call them.
They do look like little booties, don’t they?
They put the ass in humm-ass.
There’s no ass in hummus.
I don’t know what’s happening.
Place the tiny derrieres into a food processor with a spoonful of tahini, Continue reading
As we all know, summer is fast approaching.
That means short-shorts, tube tops (Do people still wear tube tops? Do we even call them tube tops now? Or are they now known as “shoulder-less blouses?” I swear I’m under 30 years old, I just sound like an old lady.) and of course, the dreaded bikini.
If you don’t dread bikini season then good for you, bitch.
Anyway, back to the Moroccan Carrot Salad.
I’ll be honest, I’m not the biggest fan of radishes.
I got a bunch of them in my weekly CSA box and decided to make roasted radishes in the same way I used to roast potatoes. Before the world decided potatoes were evil and I jumped on the bandwagon with my pitchfork in tow.
I miss potatoes.
Like, a lot.
So, I sadly grabbed my bunch of radishes and tearfully placed them on a cutting board.
After wiping away my tears, I cut the greens off the radishes.
I saved the greens and used them as a bed for the radishes.
Rinse the radishes and the greens, as they can have dirt lodged in the crevices.
(a small price to pay for organic veggies)
Once you’ve rinsed and drained them, cut the radishes in half.
I seasoned my radishes with fresh thyme and some Herbs de Provence (a French seasoning blend that can be found at some grocers and at most specialty food stores like Sur La Table and Williams Sonoma. There are some recipes online for making your own mix too, just google Herbs de Provence).
Place the radishes on a baking sheet, sprinkle them with the herbs and spices, drizzle enough olive oil to coat them and pop them in a 400F oven for 25-30mins.
Oh, and I also sprinkled a few red chili flakes on them to bring out the natural peppery flavor of the radishes. This part is totally optional. I recommend this step if you like spicy food.
Below is a before & after:
You can place them on a bare plate:
Or over the radish greens or any other salad green you like:
And just to make these babies sing, let’s add some parmesan shavings:
Oh mama.
I almost forgot about potatoes.
Almost.
I want a potato.
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[yumprint-recipe id=’89’]
I love cake.
I like fish.
I tolerate kale.
This recipe combines all of the above, and then some.
First, you need a pound of any white flaky fish you like. I used mahi-mahi because they were selling it for $4/lb at Sprouts. Tilapia would work, even salmon actually. So forget what I said about white fish. I’m not a fish racist. I like fish of all colors.
Anyway, season the fish with a little S&P.
Sauté for a few minutes on each side and then place into a large bowl.
Flake the fish into small pieces and add the following ingredients (exact measurements on recipe card at the end of this post):
Stir until everything is combined and then add the juice of half a lime.
Now for the binding agent. I used Ritz crackers because it’s my life and that’s what I wanted to do.
You can use ground up oats, gluten-free breadcrumbs, regular breadcrumbs. Whatever your heart desires.
Just add a little bit of the binding agent at a time until you get the right consistency. You want the mixture to hold together when you form it into a ball.
I used 12 crushed up Ritz crackers.
Now for the healthy part.
Kale!
Chop it up into small pieces and then add it to the fish cake mixture.
Form the mixture into patties. I made 7 regular sized patties using an ice cream scoop to make sure they all cook evenly. If you don’t have an ice cream scoop just use a large spoon. It doesn’t matter how big or small they are, just that they are all equal in size. The size of the cakes will affect cooking time though, so keep that in mind.
Bake them at 350F for 20 minutes.
Make sure to flip them over after 10 minutes.
Once they’re done, set them aside and let’s make the Ginger Lime Tartar Sauce.
So easy you won’t believe it!
You just need *a heaping spoonful* of mayo, the juice of half a lime, 1/2 tsp of ground ginger, 1/2 tsp of finely chopped capers and a little S&P.
Place a little dollop of daisy, I mean tartar sauce, on top of the fish cakes.
You can also freeze the cakes and reheat them in the oven for a healthy quick dinner/lunch/snack when you’re busy.
Enjoy!
Oh ya, you should sooo subscribe to my blog.
Like, totally.
Sorry, I’m being an annoying.
Yes, an annoying.
That was not a typo. Annoyings are nouns. You all know an annoying in your life. They might be sitting next to you right now. Try not to laugh.
P.S. I don’t send spam, just recipes. If I ever send spam then I allow you to digitally slap me.
In the face.
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P.S.S. I mean ass.
[yumprint-recipe id=’88’]
Cheesy quinoa mini-muffins topped with shrimps dusted in Indian spices?
Yes, please!
You don’t need a mini-muffin tin to make this, btw.
You do need quinoa, however. And cheese. Glorious, glorious cheese.I used 2 cups of cooked quinoa (Psst, my recipe card at the end of this post has a foolproof way to cook quinoa every time).
You also need an egg and a bunch of whatever fresh herbs you have in your kitchen.
I used tarragon:
Mixy-mix everything:
Scoop *a heaping spoonful* of the quinoa mixture into a mini-muffin tin sprayed with baking spray or form them into patties and place them on a baking sheet.
Bake these beauties at 350F for 30 mins.
Now, for the Bombay (I know it’s now Mumbai. I know.) part of the recipe. You need an equal parts mixture of freshly ground coriander and curry powder.
Sprinkle this spice mix onto your shrimp and sauté for a few minutes on each side.
In the last minute or two of cooking, squeeze the juice of a lime to freshen the whole thing up.
Top the quinoa mini-muffins with a shrimp and enjoy!
It’s like a savory cheesy cupcake with shrimp frosting!
I don’t think that’s a good description!
Why am I screaming?!
These are two-biters but I one-bit the shit out of them.
You could also stick a toothpick in them if you like to surround yourself with people who don’t like to get their hands dirty.
If you know what I mean 😉
I don’t know what I mean.
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[yumprint-recipe id=’87’]
So, here it is: the salad I promised to post using my Low-Fat Chia Seed & Cardamom Dressing.
It is so light and refreshing.
It’s also creamy and flavorful, with a hint of spice.
You need a cucumber sliced into half moons:
A stalk of celery (cut into crescents) and a bunch of chives and parsley (finely chopped):
Ok, here is where the recipe gets really difficult:
Place all of these ingredients into a bowl, add a little S&P, a tablespoon or two of the dressing and toss.
See what I did there? 😉
Under-promise and then over-deliver. That’s my motto in life.
That’s a lie. My motto is over-promise and under-deliver and then over-apologize.
Why are we discussing my life motto?
Place it into a bowl and enjoy!
Perfect summer salad for this hot-ass weather.
Help me beat the heat by subscribing to my blog:
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One has everything to do with the other.
[yumprint-recipe id=’85’]
I love this dressing.
It feels really decadent, but it isn’t.
The chia seeds make me feel like I’m bettering myself and my community. The cardamom is the not-so-secret, secret ingredient.
This dressing also makes a great dip with veggies. So much better than ranch and way better for you.
Ok, so this is what you need:
The labneh and vinegar are flexible. Plain or greek yogurt work just as well and you can use any wine vinegar or lemon/lime juice for the acid component.
You need cardamom as well:
Ground cardamom is available at Indian or Middle Eastern markets. Just get the smallest packet they have.
Measure out a 1/4 cup of labneh/yogurt into a bowl:
Add a tablespoon of vinegar, chia seeds, all the spices (don’t forget a little S&P) and combine.
Taste and adjust for seasonings (if too tart, add more yogurt).
Store in an airtight container and refrigerate for up to a week or two.
Hopefully it doesn’t last that long.
Who said salads are boring?
I made a creamy Cucumber & Celery Salad with this dressing that is really light and satisfying.
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[yumprint-recipe id=’84’]
There is no reason why you can’t have a biscuit.
I mean, there are a few reasons why you shouldn’t.
But no real reason why you can’t.
This recipe is for those moments. Those moments when you may not want to consume gluten but you really, really want a fucking biscuit so bad you can taste it.
Ahem.
This is for those moments, that I’m sure we all have. Right? Please. Right?
Anyway, this is what you need:
I used a gluten-free all-purpose flour, the kind that Bob’s Red Mill makes. You can make your own, but if you’re not a big baker I find that it’s cheaper to just get the mix.
Xanthan gum. If you’re baking gluten-free you need xanthan gum or guar gum, otherwise your biscuits will fall apart and that’s just too damn sad for words.
The coconut milk is to replace the heavy cream/buttermilk found in most biscuits. A great dairy-free option.
First step is to get all your dry ingredients combined. I used a food processor with a dough blade. Also, if using a food processor make sure you are on the dough setting.
You don’t need a food processor, of course.
How do you think they did it hundreds of years ago?
With their feet, duh, but that’s besides the point.
Anyway, get the coconut milk out of the can and mix it up until it’s all smooth and combined.
Next you need to cut 6 tbsp (or the whole stick, fuck it) of very cold butter into the dough until it looks like pebbles.
You can use a pastry cutter or two knives.
If using a food processor, use the pulse setting only, you don’t want to over-work the dough.
Now pour in the coconut milk and mix until combined.
Place the dough onto a floured board and form into a rounded ball.
Cover with plastic wrap and chill in the fridge for 30 mins or in the freezer for 15 mins if you’re as impatient as I am.
After the dough has set, it should look something like this:
Now. There are two schools of thought on the next phase of the biscuit making process.
The school of rolling and cutting:
The school of hand forming and dropping:
Since I’m into mixing things up, I decided to hand form and cut.
It fed both my wild-side and my inner control-freak, equally.
I don’t have a biscuit cutter so I just used a glass.
I like the homemade look of hand forming, and cutting just ensures they all cook evenly.
I got six biscuits out of the dough.
You want them touching each other a little, it helps them rise up to the powers that be.
I baked at 450F for about 30 mins. The time depends on how large the biscuits are.
I wish you could smell them.
Oh, I almost forgot. Happy Mother’s Day!
You know, I’m a mother. I don’t have actual human kids but this blog is my baby. Which means I deserve a Mother’s Day gift. Which means you should get me one. Which means it has to be free. Which means you should subscribe to my blog:
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[yumprint-recipe id=’82’]
If you like coleslaw, you will love this version.
If you don’t like coleslaw, maybe you can try this one as a way to dip your toes in the coleslaw pond.
I promise it’s warm.
The metaphorical pond. Not the coleslaw. The coleslaw has to be cold.
Anyway, the real star of the show here is the dressing. So tropical and so yummy.
This is what you need to make it:
That’s powdered sugar. You can use regular sugar, or coconut sugar or stevia or crack. Whatever.
I used powdered sugar because it dissolves much easier into the dressing.
I don’t want grains of sugar in my slaw, y’know?
Ok, so plop the coconut milk into a bowl.
It’s supposed to be separated like that. Just whisk, add all the ingredients (specific measurements in recipe card at end of post) and whisk again.
This dressing can be made in advance. In fact, it’s better to make it the day before to let all the flavors develop.
While the dressing is chilling, shred all the veggies using a food processor or box grater.
I used a head each of green and purple cabbage, carrots and ginger.
Make sure to remove the cores of the cabbage before shredding.
Place all the shredded veg into a large bowl, add some chopped green onions, as much dressing as your heart desires and toss!
Add a little S&P and let it chill in the fridge for at least an hour to give the flavors a chance to come out of their shells and show you their true, fun personalities.
I love this coleslaw.
So balanced.
Sweet and tangy.
Pretty and tasty.
Just like me, I mean you, I mean me.
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[yumprint-recipe id=’79’]