Game of Thrones Bowl of Brown (Paleo)

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 Flea Bottom’s finest!

A bowl of brown in honor of Game of Thrones, the greatest show that ever was or will be. 

If you’re not familiar with the infamous bowl of brown, it’s a years-old stew filled with mystery meat that is served in the poor areas of King’s Landing. That’s the clean version. It’s truly much more gruesome, but this is not the setting for such talk. 

varys

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Avocado Hummus

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 I hate avocado.

This recipe fixes that for me.

It’s my usual hummus recipe, except I used limes instead of lemons and I added one avocado into the mix.

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I got avocados in my CSA this week so I decided to hide use them in some hummus.

Which reminds me, I need to update my exclusions list.

Rinse off 2 cans-worth of garbanzo beans, or chickpeas or little butts. Whatever you call them.

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They do look like little booties, don’t they?

They put the ass in humm-ass.

There’s no ass in hummus.

I don’t know what’s happening.

Place the tiny derrieres into a food processor with a spoonful of tahini, Continue reading »


Carne Asada Tacos

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Ok so I googled “carne asada” and Wikipedia said it literally means grilled meat. I didn’t grill my meat. I thought carne asada involved marination in citrus fruits and aromatic veggies (like onion and garlic). Hold on, I need to have google moment….

Back! So I was kind of right, basically there are different marinations you can use and the best cut of meat to use for this is a thin steak like flank steak or skirt steak. I got some skirt steak from Sprouts for like $3 and some change.  Yay Sprouts! No, I don’t work for them I just like feeling like I’m getting healthy food for cheap. Plus they are really, really tasty! I mean like reaaaaallyyy…

Anyway, so I like to chop my meat into little cubes and then cook them. Ok, yes, I have OCD. No I don’t. Otherwise my house would be way cleaner. I don’t know why I cube them, so you don’t have to. Also, since I don’t like cutting slimy meat (maybe I do have like a mild form of OCD), I like to cut it when it’s still mostly frozen. A sharp knife helps!

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At this stage, place your meat (chopped or unchopped .. is that what they call the people who win on Chopped? The Un-Chopped?) in a ziploc bag, and grab these things:

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Btw, you can click on any of the pics to enlarge them.

Add  one clove of minced garlic, salt, pepper, about a pinch (or heaping spoonful šŸ˜‰ )of each spice to the bag with the meat. Squeeze the juice of one orange and half a lime (and throw the squeezed fruit in the bag too), a few dashes of Worcestershire sauce and a drizzle of olive oil. I love the word drizzle … and sizzle .. fo shizzle….

Then seal the bag squeezing out most of the air to allow the sauce to smother the meat (hehe). This pic isn’t very appetizing but I wanna show you what it should look like now. Sorry ……. not sorry.

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While the meat muuurinates .. Let’s make some salsa! Pico de gallo (the Ls are silent but you already knew that, right?) This is a slightly different version in that I also use green onions and I didn’t use a jalapeƱo (the J is also silent, my friend’s cousin once ordered a faJita with flour tortiLLas and extra JalapeƱos, she pronounced all the Ls and Js and I pretended I didn’t hear her but my eyes were like huge and my nostrils were flaring and I was silently judging her which is not cool and I don’t know why I’m telling you this).

Sooooo … dice up two tomatoes, half an onion, 3 green onions, a bunch of cilantro and mix together with salt and pepper and the juice of the other half of lime.

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You just made salsa!!

Back to the meat. Now put the beef (minus the oranges and lime) in a HOT pan. Spread in one layer and leave them alone! It’s like that saying, “if you love something, let it go and if it’s meant to be yours it will brown nicely and develop great flavor” …

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Once you don’t see a lot of pink in the meat, add the other half of the onion, diced:

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Cook for a few more minutes till the meat is cooked through (test a small piece) and the onions have some color.

At this point, I made a carne asada salad, and my hubby had tacos. Both need lettuce.

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For the Tacos:

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For the Salad:

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For the salad dressing, I made a vinaigrette with garlic, lemon juice, honey, olive oil and salt and pepper. This is what you need:

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For the garlic, I like to mince it and then add some kosher salt (or regular salt, whatever, no need to get fancy) and used the salt as an abrasive. Use the flat side of your knife to push salt into garlic and create a paste. Have I lost you? Sorry, here are some pics:

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Now you have the garlic paste you made (yay you!! you made garlic paste!!) add the juice of half a lemon and then add olive oil and honey and whisk till emulsified. Taste and adjust any proportions to your liking.

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Add dressing to salad, toss and enjoy!!

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Yum! It was soo good and filling! I didn’t miss the tortillas at all! Really! I swear! I sound a little hysterical … Ok byeeeee!!

P.S. Comment and tell me if you prefer the salad recipe or the taco recipe…Thanks!

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Diner Style Breakfast

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Ok so I thought my first post on here would be a gourmet recipe but this is like anti-gourmet. It’s really down-home and comforting and the truth is, it’s the breakfast my man loves. So I made it for him this morning. He ate it ALL and he’s not obese so that means its yummy. And that’s ketchup in that little ramekin in case you were wondering, which I know you were, nosy!

It’s super easy to make this. The potato concoction above is inspired by Mary’s Breakfast Potatoes (Mary is my husband’s aunt a.k.a Gangsta Granny but more about that later). It’s basically the same recipe but with seasoning salt. The smallest things can make a big difference though. Those potatoes are very very dangerous, so proceed with caution!

Anyway back to the recipe… You’ll need these “ingrediences” (OMG remember when Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey said “ingrediences”??? No?? Whatever, it’s fine.):

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You don’t need all those eggs and sausages obvi. Ok so the first step is heating a little bit of oil in a medium to small sized pan.

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While the oil heats up on a low/medium flame peel and slice the potatoes into thin discs and half an onion into half moons.

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By now the oil should be hot enough. Test it with a slice of potato. If it sizzles in the oil, its hot enough. Separate the onions and mix them with the potatoes and put them in the hot oil, season and then cover them and let them steam.

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Now put the sausages in a little skillet over medium heat and rotate them every few minutes to get them browned on all sides.

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 At this point you’re juggling. You’re checking on the potatoes and mixing them up to make sure the bottom ones are crispy (not burnt) and allowing others to crisp up. You’re rotating the sausages making sure they are browning not burning also. And now you’re about the make the eggs.

Side note about eggs: My guy likes them scrambled and well-done, but you can do them anyway you like. I allow you.

So, if you wanna know how to make fast well-done scrambled eggs, these pics are for you. If not, sorry, not sorry.

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I know. I know. That’s a shitload of butter. But it’s for a very active man and who are you? My mother?! Omg, so sorry, these are my issues not yours… oh ya eggs:

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Sorry about some of the upside down pics. I’m in the process of getting my shit together, please be patient. Are you still here??

Ok so, by now the sausages and potatoes should be done. Check the potatoes for doneness by sticking a fork in them, if it goes in and out easily it’s done, stick a fork in it! (Full circle moment, are you paying attention?)

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Ok whew! That’s it! My first post!! I hope you like it!!

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