Mushroom, Corn & Pancetta Pizza

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This pizza is the result of a Sunday night fridge clean-out. I had a few items that only had a few good days left and I didn’t want to let them go bad only to throw them away while shaking my head and wishing I could get my life together.

I had assorted mushrooms, an ear of corn and a little package of diced pancetta sitting in my fridge. I also had milk and gruyere cheese.

I threw them all on the counter and waited for something to hit me.


Who doesn’t like pizza?

People that shouldn’t be trusted, that’s who.

So I decided to make a “white pizza” (i.e. no red sauce) and use Mornay sauce instead. Mornay sauce is a basically a béchamel sauce with gruyere cheese. It’s insanely good.

To make a béchamel you make roux (50/50 fat/flour mix), add milk and cook until thick enough to coat the back of a spoon and hold a line made with your finger.

Add some salt and nutmeg and you have a standard béchamel sauce.

Add gruyere cheese and you have Mornay sauce.

This should be the consistency of your sauce:

So. Fucking. Good.

Now set the sauce aside and make the dough (full instructions at end of post) and let it rise for about 30mins.

(Side note: I used a Williams-Sonoma pizza dough crust mix that had sundried tomato and basil in the crust (very delicious, if you are wondering), which is why those specks are in the dough. I have included a recipe for a plain pizza dough at the end of this post.)

Boil the ear of corn until the color changes and they look swollen then allow the corn to cool before cutting off the kernels.

Then cook off the pancetta and reserve the rendered pancetta fat to cook the shrooms in.

Now gather all the ingredients, roll the dough out, form into pizza pan, add toppings and bake.

Mamma mia.



For Mornay Sauce:
2 Tbsp butter
2 Tbsp flour
about a cup of milk
1 cup grated gruyere cheese
pinch of nutmeg
S+P, to taste

For Pizza Dough:
1 packet dry active yeast
3 cups flour + more for dusting (all-purpose flour for chewier crust, bread flour for crisper crust)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
1 cup warm water (105F-115F)
1 Tbsp oil

For Pizza:
4 oz pancetta, diced
1 pint mushrooms, sliced if particularly large
1 ear of corn, boil and cut off kernels when cool
1 green onion/scallion, cut into little rings


For Mornay Sauce:

  1. Melt the butter in a pot and then add the flour and whisk together until a paste forms (a.k.a roux).
  2. Once paste has formed cook for about a minute to remove the raw flour taste but not too long that you brown the roux.
  3. At this point add the milk while whisking until you have the consistency of a stew.
  4. Bring the sauce to a boil and reduce it to simmer and whisk to prevent any lumps from forming.
  5. Continue to cook the sauce until it is thick enough to coat the back of a spoon and hold a line made with your finger.
  6. Now add a pinch of nutmeg (freshly grated, if possible) and S+P, to taste.
  7. You have a béchamel sauce! You can use this to make lasagna or an insanely good mac + cheese, etc. etc.
  8. To make this a mornay sauce, add the grated gruyere, turn off the heat and stir until melted. Ta dah! That easy.
  9. Now set the sauce aside and move on to the next phase, the pizza dough.

For Pizza Dough:

  1. Combine the flour, salt, sugar and yeast in a mixing bowl with the dough hook attachment,
  2. While it is on medium/low speed, pour in the warm water and oil and knead until a ball forms. It should be slightly tacky and elastic.
  3. Cover the mixing bowl and place it somewhere warm for about 20mins to rise.
  4. Once risen, divide dough in half for two regular 12inch pizzas, in thirds for 3 thin crust 12inch pizzas or use it all for a deep dish 12inch pizza (which is what I did, carbs are life).
  5. Roll dough out on a floured surface and then transfer to pizza pan and add toppings as desired and bake in a 500F oven that has preheated for 30minutes for about 12-15 minutes or until the crust is golden brown.

For Pizza:

  1. Cook the pancetta until crisp but not too crisp as it will cook further in the oven.
  2. Transfer the cooked pancetta onto a paper towel to drain, while still reserving the rendered pancetta fat in the pan. Cook the mushrooms in the same pan with the rendered pancetta fat until golden brown.
  3. Gather all the pizza toppings: mornay sauce, mushrooms, corn, pancetta and green onions.
  4. Form the dough into a pizza pan and top with a spoonful of mornay sauce at a time, you have the desired amount. Make sure to leave the edge of the pizza unsauced.
  5. Top the sauced portion of the pizza with the mushrooms, pancetta, corn and scallions. Add more sauce/grated gruyere on top, if desired.
  6. Bake in a 500F oven that has preheated for 30minutes for about 12-15 minutes or until the crust is golden brown.

Game of Thrones Bowl of Brown (Paleo)

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 Flea Bottom’s finest!

A bowl of brown in honor of Game of Thrones, the greatest show that ever was or will be. 

If you’re not familiar with the infamous bowl of brown, it’s a years-old stew filled with mystery meat that is served in the poor areas of King’s Landing. That’s the clean version. It’s truly much more gruesome, but this is not the setting for such talk. 


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Avocado Hummus

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 I hate avocado.

This recipe fixes that for me.

It’s my usual hummus recipe, except I used limes instead of lemons and I added one avocado into the mix.


I got avocados in my CSA this week so I decided to hide use them in some hummus.

Which reminds me, I need to update my exclusions list.

Rinse off 2 cans-worth of garbanzo beans, or chickpeas or little butts. Whatever you call them.


They do look like little booties, don’t they?

They put the ass in humm-ass.

There’s no ass in hummus.

I don’t know what’s happening.

Place the tiny derrieres into a food processor with a spoonful of tahini, Continue reading »

Detox Spa Water

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Again with this heat!

Ugh. What the fuck happened to spring?!

The heat makes me angry.

For my own safety, and that of those around me, I couldn’t turn on the oven or stove or any device that emanates heat of any sort. I would have gone into a seething rage. I only wanted things that were chilled or ice-cold. Nothing hotter than room temperature was entering my body.

So, I made water.

Detox Spa Water, to be exact.

In case someone hasn’t had “spa water,” it’s basically just water infused with fruits, veggies or herbs.

This is how it all went down:

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I used a lot of ingredients in comparison to the water. I like an intense fruit taste and as many of the detoxifying properties as I can get, then I just top it off with more water when needed. If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, or your business casual, just use the same amount of fruits but place them in a pitcher. Or keep the glass but use less fruit. Whatever.

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So pretty.

I’m a sucker for pretty food floating in liquids.

Plus the all of these ingredients aid in purifying the body.

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The strawberry & mint was my favorite.

The lemon & lime is going to be my new water to start the day, very good for digestion and metabolism.

The cucumber was very cucumber-y. Not bad. Not my fav, but it’s an appetite suppressant.

Let me know what variations you would make.

I wanna try making a chia seed water. I’ll post it on Instagram.


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Carne Asada Tacos

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Ok so I googled “carne asada” and Wikipedia said it literally means grilled meat. I didn’t grill my meat. I thought carne asada involved marination in citrus fruits and aromatic veggies (like onion and garlic). Hold on, I need to have google moment….

Back! So I was kind of right, basically there are different marinations you can use and the best cut of meat to use for this is a thin steak like flank steak or skirt steak. I got some skirt steak from Sprouts for like $3 and some change.  Yay Sprouts! No, I don’t work for them I just like feeling like I’m getting healthy food for cheap. Plus they are really, really tasty! I mean like reaaaaallyyy…

Anyway, so I like to chop my meat into little cubes and then cook them. Ok, yes, I have OCD. No I don’t. Otherwise my house would be way cleaner. I don’t know why I cube them, so you don’t have to. Also, since I don’t like cutting slimy meat (maybe I do have like a mild form of OCD), I like to cut it when it’s still mostly frozen. A sharp knife helps!

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At this stage, place your meat (chopped or unchopped .. is that what they call the people who win on Chopped? The Un-Chopped?) in a ziploc bag, and grab these things:

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Btw, you can click on any of the pics to enlarge them.

Add  one clove of minced garlic, salt, pepper, about a pinch (or heaping spoonful 😉 )of each spice to the bag with the meat. Squeeze the juice of one orange and half a lime (and throw the squeezed fruit in the bag too), a few dashes of Worcestershire sauce and a drizzle of olive oil. I love the word drizzle … and sizzle .. fo shizzle….

Then seal the bag squeezing out most of the air to allow the sauce to smother the meat (hehe). This pic isn’t very appetizing but I wanna show you what it should look like now. Sorry ……. not sorry.

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While the meat muuurinates .. Let’s make some salsa! Pico de gallo (the Ls are silent but you already knew that, right?) This is a slightly different version in that I also use green onions and I didn’t use a jalapeño (the J is also silent, my friend’s cousin once ordered a faJita with flour tortiLLas and extra Jalapeños, she pronounced all the Ls and Js and I pretended I didn’t hear her but my eyes were like huge and my nostrils were flaring and I was silently judging her which is not cool and I don’t know why I’m telling you this).

Sooooo … dice up two tomatoes, half an onion, 3 green onions, a bunch of cilantro and mix together with salt and pepper and the juice of the other half of lime.

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You just made salsa!!

Back to the meat. Now put the beef (minus the oranges and lime) in a HOT pan. Spread in one layer and leave them alone! It’s like that saying, “if you love something, let it go and if it’s meant to be yours it will brown nicely and develop great flavor” …

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Once you don’t see a lot of pink in the meat, add the other half of the onion, diced:

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Cook for a few more minutes till the meat is cooked through (test a small piece) and the onions have some color.

At this point, I made a carne asada salad, and my hubby had tacos. Both need lettuce.

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For the Tacos:

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For the Salad:

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For the salad dressing, I made a vinaigrette with garlic, lemon juice, honey, olive oil and salt and pepper. This is what you need:

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For the garlic, I like to mince it and then add some kosher salt (or regular salt, whatever, no need to get fancy) and used the salt as an abrasive. Use the flat side of your knife to push salt into garlic and create a paste. Have I lost you? Sorry, here are some pics:

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Now you have the garlic paste you made (yay you!! you made garlic paste!!) add the juice of half a lemon and then add olive oil and honey and whisk till emulsified. Taste and adjust any proportions to your liking.

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Add dressing to salad, toss and enjoy!!

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Yum! It was soo good and filling! I didn’t miss the tortillas at all! Really! I swear! I sound a little hysterical … Ok byeeeee!!

P.S. Comment and tell me if you prefer the salad recipe or the taco recipe…Thanks!

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Diner Style Breakfast

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Ok so I thought my first post on here would be a gourmet recipe but this is like anti-gourmet. It’s really down-home and comforting and the truth is, it’s the breakfast my man loves. So I made it for him this morning. He ate it ALL and he’s not obese so that means its yummy. And that’s ketchup in that little ramekin in case you were wondering, which I know you were, nosy!

It’s super easy to make this. The potato concoction above is inspired by Mary’s Breakfast Potatoes (Mary is my husband’s aunt a.k.a Gangsta Granny but more about that later). It’s basically the same recipe but with seasoning salt. The smallest things can make a big difference though. Those potatoes are very very dangerous, so proceed with caution!

Anyway back to the recipe… You’ll need these “ingrediences” (OMG remember when Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey said “ingrediences”??? No?? Whatever, it’s fine.):


You don’t need all those eggs and sausages obvi. Ok so the first step is heating a little bit of oil in a medium to small sized pan.


While the oil heats up on a low/medium flame peel and slice the potatoes into thin discs and half an onion into half moons.


By now the oil should be hot enough. Test it with a slice of potato. If it sizzles in the oil, its hot enough. Separate the onions and mix them with the potatoes and put them in the hot oil, season and then cover them and let them steam.


Now put the sausages in a little skillet over medium heat and rotate them every few minutes to get them browned on all sides.



 At this point you’re juggling. You’re checking on the potatoes and mixing them up to make sure the bottom ones are crispy (not burnt) and allowing others to crisp up. You’re rotating the sausages making sure they are browning not burning also. And now you’re about the make the eggs.

Side note about eggs: My guy likes them scrambled and well-done, but you can do them anyway you like. I allow you.

So, if you wanna know how to make fast well-done scrambled eggs, these pics are for you. If not, sorry, not sorry.


I know. I know. That’s a shitload of butter. But it’s for a very active man and who are you? My mother?! Omg, so sorry, these are my issues not yours… oh ya eggs:






Sorry about some of the upside down pics. I’m in the process of getting my shit together, please be patient. Are you still here??

Ok so, by now the sausages and potatoes should be done. Check the potatoes for doneness by sticking a fork in them, if it goes in and out easily it’s done, stick a fork in it! (Full circle moment, are you paying attention?)


Ok whew! That’s it! My first post!! I hope you like it!!

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